My Black Parade
by RandomTasha
Summary: Songfic. Black Parade by My Chemical Romance. Harry just wants to be a boy. To go back and have the loving childhood he's always wanted. He believes that when we die, we are created as someone new. He wants to be someone new, so he decides to take his own life. Can those who love him give him the childhood he's always wanted? Warnings: Attempted Suicide. Abuse. Please R&R.


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, that belongs to the wonderful J.K Rowling. I don't own the song Black Parade by My Chemical Romance.

_When I was a young boy_

_My father took me into the city_

_To see a marching band_

From the moment I was born, my destiny was to defeat the Dark Lord.Dumbledore knew that I was the only one who could save the wizarding world from this evil man. He sent me into the muggle world, to avoid all the attention. To be a normal kid.

_He said, "Son, when you grow up _

_Would you be the saviour of the broken_

_The beaten and the damned?"_

What he didn't know was that before the time came for me to fight Voldemort, I would have to fight someone else- My Uncle._He said, "Will you defeat them_

_Your demons and all the non-believers_

_The plans that they have made?_

My Uncle was my demon, he made me fear him. Made me believe I was a Freak, that I could never be loved. He made me believe that I wasn't worthy to live.

_Because one day, I'll leave you_

_A phantom to lead you in the summer_

_To join the Black Parade"_

Hogwarts was a new start for me. I had almost a year of no chores, no beatings, all the food I want. I had time to be happy. But that all changed when Sirius died._Sometimes I get the feeling_

_She's watching over me_

_And other times I feel like I should go_

I could never be truly happy again. Sometimes I would have this feeling close to it, but it wasn't coming from me, I realised that. It was from my Mother. I'd never felt like this before, but it felt like the love a mother would give to her children. I didn't want to let her down. But I couldn't find it in me to try and be happy.

_And through it all, the rise and fall_

_The bodies in the streets_

_And when you're gone we want you all to knowWe'll carry on, we'll carry on_

I don't have to worry about people forgetting me if I die. I'm Harry bloody Potter! Nobody is going to forget me! Of course all they will be 'The-Boy-Who-Lived' it should be more like 'The-Boy-Who-Lived-To-Die'.

_And though you're dead and gone, believe me_

_Your memory will carry on, we'll carry on_

I hope that someone, anyone, will remember just Harry. The boy who would cry every night in the summer in fear that his uncle or his cousin would wake up and give him a random beating. The boy who flinched every time somebody wanted to make physical contact. The boy who just wanted what every other person at Hogwarts had, a loving childhood.

_And in my heart, I can't contain it_

_The anthem won't explain itAnd while that sends you reeling_

_From decimated dreams_

It has to be this way. I have to leave. In order for me to be happy I have to leave. There are many opinions on what happens when we die. I have quite a few myself. But my strongest belief is that when we die, we get to do life all over again. When we fully die, we are then a different person, created at the time of conception. Maybe, if this is true, maybe I will have a Mum and Dad. Maybe I will finally have a happy childhood.

_Your misery and hate will kill us all_

_So paint it black and take it back_

_Let's shout out loud and clear_

_Do you fight it to the end?_

I'm sorry. I know it may seem selfish, but I need to smile. I need to experience real childhood, not what it's like to be a house elf._We hear the call to carry on, we'll carry on_

_And though you're dead and gone, believe me_

_Your memory will carry on, we'll carry on_

If maybe there was some way in which I could turn into a child and have all my memories wiped so I have a new life, I would probably take it. Is there? I guess it's too late.

_And though you're broken and defeated_

_You're weary widow marchesOn and on we carry through the fears_

_Disappointed faces of your peers_

Please don't be disappointed. I came to the realisation that it doesn't have to be me. I don't have to be the one who has to kill him. If you believe that he shouldn't be allowed to exist, all of you at the same time. Then all cast the Killing Curse, then he should die. But you need lots of people. How many people would come to my funeral? That should be a major clue for you to realise where to spread this piece of news. I know you can do it, just not me.

_Take a look at me_

_'Cause I could not care at allDo or die, you'll never make me_

_Because the world will never take my heart_

I sit here writing my farewell to you. My heart has always been with all of you, my true friends. It's too bad my heart was broken into many pieces a long time ago.

_Though you try, you'll never break me_

_We want it all, we wanna play this partWon't explain or say I'm sorry_

_I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scar_

I have chosen what I want to do. It is my own decision. I'm not afraid of my consequences, I am allowed to do what I want for all that I have given.

_Give a cheer for all the broken_

_Listen here, because it's onlyI'm just a man, I'm not a hero_

_Just a boy who wanna sing his song_

I just want to be Harry. The boy who was loved when he grew up. Maybe be the Harry Snape always saw- the Spoilt Golden Boy. I just want to play quidditch and laugh with friends and be careless. I don't want to be this Saviour.

_Just a man, I'm not a hero_

_I don't care!_

Save your own world, 'cause I can't save my own and yours as well. I need to breathe._We'll carry on, we'll carry on_

_And though you're dead and gone, believe me_

_Your memory will carry on, you'll carry on_

Just remember me. Remember the boy that grew into a man faster than he should but just wanted to be a boy. I want people to know who I really was. I was unhappy, empty.

_And though you're broken and defeated_

_You're weary widow marches onDo or die, you'll never make me_

_Because the world will never take my heart_

_Though you try, you'll never break me_

I wish I was a little boy again. To go back in time, erase all my memories, forget I was broken. Be loved.

_We want it all, we wanna play this part (We'll carry on)Do or die, you'll never make me_

_Because the world will never take my heart_

_Though you try, you'll never break me_

I so desperately need someone to help me, but I fear it is too late. I am broken beyond repair. I so wanted to call out, get anyone to help me. As soon as I did, I saw my Uncle. I couldn't do it. I had to suffer. Freaks have to suffer, they don't get any help.

_We want it all, we wanna play this part (We'll carry on)_

Please just remember me, please. Help my memory carry on. Tell people I wasn't like what they said in the prophet. Tell them I was misunderstood. That I never let anyone see the real me because my fear kept me back. Don't deceive them or give them false sense of hope. Tell them I wore a mask, that I was a scared boy. Tell them Love is the most powerful emotion and can change lives. That without love you become this empty shell of a person. Tell them to tell someone if something is wrong. Tell them that they shouldn't copy what I did. Tell them, that should they be feeling like this, that they should seek help in a person.

I should take my own advice but I can't. My fear is too far set in.

I'll miss you Hermione, Ron.

Thank you for everything. For seeing Harry, for being my friend.

I need to go now.

I love you.

_Harry xx_

As Hedwig flew to the Great Hall, Harry walked to the astronomy tower. Hedwig flew as fast as she could. She had picked up on Harry's negative feelings and needed to get help before it was too late.


End file.
